Traffic Jam
by WrittenFiction
Summary: Mulder and Scully are stuck in a traffic jam, irritated by the drivers around them. Unfortunately, they're not aware of who the other drivers are until it's too late (Early Season 1, before Jersey Devil, but that doesn't matter)


**A/N: So I wrote this months ago when stuck in traffic for over an hour. And any gender biased references in this about how people drive isn't meant to offend anyone, I realize that both men and women can be awful drivers. Any passage of time that takes place in this happens in parts, not simultaneously. Any corrections that I can make (especially grammar and tense wise) would be wonderful to know about. This isn't meant to be entirely in character as it is a parody, but...Oh, just read it :) **

Mulder dropped his head to the steering wheel and groaned. Traffic was backed up at least three miles- or at least that's what he'd managed to convince himself in the hour and a half he had spent sitting in his car. He started as the car behind him honked angrily and he inched forward all of two feet.

This was_ not_ how he wanted to spend his Monday. He wanted to be in his office, finding the next case that was sure to spark his interest, to dispute his latest theory with his partner, and to just have a normal Monday. Hell, even a disciplinary hearing with Skinner would have been a nice reprieve from the jam that he was in. Well, thought Mulder smiling wearily, maybe just a disciplinary hearing. He wasn't sure if he could handle Skinner at the moment. Or anyone for that matter- except Scully. She put up with his wild theories and alien talks enough that maybe she'd be willing to listen to him bitch and moan about traffic. _Yeah,_ thought Mulder, shifting in his seat to get more comfortable, _maybe that'll help relieve some of the stress._

He sighed in relief as the car in front of him lurched forward another couple feet.

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Scully tapped her fingers against her steering wheel with impatience. _An hour and a half,_ her mind taunted at her, _You could have just woken up that much earlier and been out of this already._ She sighed and leant her head on the headrest. She wondered if she should call Mulder and let him know she was going to be late...Not that he'd notice if he had his head stuck in a new case and was preparing a slideshow for his projector. She grimaced. Maybe being late would get her out of watching one…

The car inched forward a few inches. At last. Progress.

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Mulder was making absolutely no progress. He'd been at a standstill for at least twenty minutes. Why the hell was traffic so bad today anyways? He couldn't remember passing any construction the night before, and it certainly wasn't tourist season in DC either. Maybe someone had an accident and died-He shook his head, attempting to get the bizarre thought to go away. He must really be irritated to be having such disturbing intrusive thoughts, if the idea of a dead body coming out of this whole thing gave him some amusement. Although, the only body anyone would discover would probably be his. Fox Mulder, man who chases aliens and ghosts for a living dies from boredom. Maybe Scully would find it an amusing epitaph. He'd have to spring that joke on her one of these days.

Another few minutes went by. Mulder looked tiredly at his car's clock system. Maybe he'd be able to catch up on the sleep he missed last night…

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_Just one more minute, Dana_, she told herself, _you're on edge, there's no need to get road rage…_.

Except the car in front of her hadn't moved an inch for a good fifteen minutes and she was unbelievably late for work. To top it off, the traffic had finally cleared...except for the person in front of her and the jam she was holding behind her. She tapped her foot on the gas. Maybe if she moved forward a little bit, the person in front of her would get the idea…

No such luck.

Scully chewed her lip. Then, finally, her patience snapped and she slammed the butt of her hand against her car horn. She saw the head of the driver in front of her snap to attention and start their vehicle.

Scully smiled, a little viciously, but she was never a morning person and she was was itching to get distance between her and the idiot in front of her.

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Mulder swore out loud when he realized, a few miles later, that the asshole who'd honked at him no less than three times in just as many minutes was still following behind him. He understood the first honk, because he'd fallen into a semi conscious state of dozing and day dreaming. Understandable. The next honks were just irritating. It's not as if their work was any more important than his. Unless their job had something to do with assassinating people. Hopefully, they'd get off at the next exit before deciding to just shoot him.

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Scully sighed with relief as the Hoover building came into view. The driver in front of her had continued to go at speeds far from desirable and she had to keep using her horn to remind him-and she was convinced that it was a him, based on his driving- that stop signs meant stop-and-go not stop-and-stay-there. She gripped her steering wheel tighter as she neared her destination. "please keep going," she muttered, "don't stop, don't make a turn, just keep going…."

Her mouth dropped open as she noticed the car pull into the FBI Headquarters' Parking lot. Her eyes narrowed. Whoever this prick was, he was going to get it. Big time.

She let out a huff of air. It was probably a damn rookie agent too. Figures.

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Mulder didn't know if he should be ecstatic that the car behind him pulled up behind him or terrified. On one hand, he'd love to shoot the tires out of some jerk off's car...on the other, Blevins could have his ass and serve it on a platter to the board of directors. He gnawed his lip as he watched the car parked a few spaces away. Sighing, he opened the door. With any luck, it was Colton and he'd have a chance to rip him a new one.

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The car door flew open with the force of Scully's shove and in a matter of seconds, her coat, briefcase, and self were gathered and ready to go for a round in the ring. She couldn't explain why, but she just had to confront the man that had made her drive nearly unbearable. She glanced at her watch. An extra hour late because she was driving behind this guy instead of in front of him. That's why. She couldn't wait to tell Mulder about this. He'd probably give a little smirk and say 'you go girl' before turning back to his slides. Well, she'd make sure he'd know just how pissed she was. Maybe he'd even forgo the slides and get straight to the point for once.

Her reasoning for a confrontation renewed, she started off towards the oppositions car, exuding perfect confidence and a little bit of menace.

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Mulder felt his gut clench up with worry when he heard not the casual amble of a smug male agent, but the determined clacking of a woman's heels. Oh, shit. Shit. Was it one of the secretaries? He wouldn't be able to requisition a car for at least a month if it was. His mind reeled as he closed his door carefully, facing the street, rather than the oncoming disaster. Was it Agent Crylls? She could beat him into a pulp. He'd seen the way she called Skinner out on his BS before, and it wasn't pretty. Maybe she would just knee him in the groin and it'd be over….

He flinched when he heard the voice. Christ, she wasn't even at his car and she was ranting. "Listen, buddy, I don't know who you think you are-"

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"But if you think you can drive a car like that then you are in no position to even be an active agent…"

Scully was on a roll. She couldn't hold it in anymore and had started before she'd even rounded the trunk of the car. No matter. Building up volume and authority seemed to be working well enough. She continued until she found the asshole-who was, just as she thought, a man. One who apparently couldn't bother to face her while she was talking-and kept on going. "I don't know if you know this, sir, but when you stop at a stop sign it means stop and go, not-"

The man's shoulders tensed and he turned slowly around. Scully's voice died out.

It was Mulder.

Shit.

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IT WAS SCULLY?

He couldn't believe it.

He blinked. It was still her.

"Scully!?"

"I, uh-" She looked hopelessly flustered and embarrassed, he could practically see the fight go out of her. And the claws detract. Good. Maybe he wouldn't get a beating today.

He couldn't help the shit-eating grin that appeared on his face. "Was there something you wanted to tell me _Agent Scully_?" He was practically bouncing on the balls of his feet. Here was his newly assigned partner, the one person he hadn't been able to get a rise out of with his crazy theories and inability to stay out of trouble and she got pissed at him because of road rage? Oh, yeah. Something he'd definitely file away for further reference.

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Scully was mortified. Aside from being her partner, Mulder was also the supervising Agent of the X Files...Technically, her boss. He could write her up for unprofessional conduct, showing disrespect to a direct superior-

But he was also unable to keep from smiling like an idiot. She felt the heat on her face from embarrassment deepen into embarrassed anger.

"Nothing, Agent Mulder." She Spun around and started to hurry to the building. Get some time in the ladies' room to cool off and cover the redness of her face with some foundation. She stopped mid-stride as a thought hit her. Oh, there was no way she was going to leave with him having the upper-hand. No matter how much she tried to save face, it wouldn't work like that. He'd save the moment for when he could use it to his advantage.

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Mulder was still staring somewhat dazedly after his partner. Damn, she was something else. From anger to embarrassment to anger all in a few seconds. If he wanted to, he would have admitted that it was kinda hot, to see Scully work through all that passion at once.

But he didn't. Want to, that is. He almost sighed. What he wanted with Scully was beyond him. He didn't want a partner, but...Well, she certainly made him question the benefits of working alone.

He saw her stop and he squinted his eyes a little bit, wondering what she was doing. She turned around and faced him. Apparently, this was not over.

"Mulder?"

He felt his mouth go dry with the low tone she was using.

"The next time we're on a case…."

"Yes?" Oh dear god that meant she still wanted to work with him, thank you, thank yo-

"I'm driving the damn car." She shot him a look that could kill a rookie agent. "And I don't want to see any damn slides today, either."

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A small smile graced Scully's lips as she walked away and waited for the man behind her to catch up.


End file.
